Monday, April 27, 2009

STFU


Instead of eating myself into obilvion, I've decided to write about emotional eating. I'm so fucking agitated right now I could punch someone. Facebook says I'd liek to kick someone in the balls. That's exactly how I feel. Like when I was in 2nd grade and Addison... I can't remember his last name... was picking on me, so I hit him right square in the boys with a baton. Don't fuck with me.

I am a completely emotional eater. I sooth myself into tranquility by stuffing as much sugary food into me as I possibly can. It's physically hard for me to NOT go eat a whole brick of fudge right now. You may chuckle and think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not.

Yet again, I'm agitated by people not doing their fucking job. I'm pissed at teachers who let their kids out form class early, which cuts into my already 15 MINUTE lunch. I'm pissed at the parent who complained about hit kid only having one line-- with 3 words-- THAT SHE CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER TO SAY~|! Really. You're riding me about your kids not having enough lines and you can't even get your kid to learn ONE line. Really?! I'm also pissed that my hair is so damn pink. It's my own fault and I'm going to go stand in the shower for a good long while to try to fade some of it, but damn it I'm pissed about it.

I'm also pissed about PCOS. I know I've already whined about this, but damn it, I'm tried of it! I'm tired of the hair lady syndrome. I'm tired of being fat. I'm tired of skin tags. I'm tired of sharp fucking pains coming from my reproductive organs!

I just had an epiphany. I'm going to clean the shower and then take a damn bath. Who is going to volunteer to be kicked in the balls?

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Success!


Drumroll....

Sunday, April 19- 231.3 lbs (I said 235 last week accidentally)

Sunday, April 26- 226.4 lbs Down almost 5 lbs!

In other news, last night I discovered these little small cups of ice cream by Edy's. It was completely satisfying and ONLY 210 CALORIES. Worth it to me. I should also mention that this past week has seen NO change in physical activity, only eating. This coming week will see more physical changes in the form of walking during my planning with a co-worker. It will also prove challenging because I'm in a show at the end of the week.

Go team!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Keyed


Let me tell you about my day with my keys.

This morning I walk out of the house at 6:20am and lock the door behind me. I have done this 3 times in the last year and every time I am more disturbed by my lack of... brain? I mean it's not like the keys aren't hanging RIGHT BESIDE THE DAMN DOOR. I call Jesse who is at work doing inventory. He comes home to let me in. I get my keys and go to work.

When I get to work... lo and behold, I've left my work keys at home. So I go up to the office and the office manager there lets me use hers to unlock my room and the auditorium so I can have class. I plan to drive home during my planning to get the work keys because I need them for the show tonight. I come back from talking to Jack and the money chick in the office to find that my car keys are nowhere to be found. I specifically put them down on a big pile of party beads during my last class and they were gone. I think, "Maybe someone kicked them into my props closet on accident." Only I can't look in said closet because the lights are dying and flickering like a horror movie. I wander around the buidling lost and wallowing in self-loathing, thinking that some dumb kid stole my keys. The money chick tells me to look again then get with our SRO to see if he can shake down some kids.

I get a flashlight and go into the shallow domain of my props closet. I look under the old fashioned laundry bin, which also has a horror movie air about it. I look under the metal shelving, then I start to dig in bins. The first one was the last one. From what I can tell, this group of girls who is doing an office scene picked up the keys because they thought they were props for the scene. My keys were in the bottom, under the printer, clock, tiara, scarves and binoculars. Crisis averted.

THEN---- for the show I'm doing with the kids, we have scripted a very specific mode of getting the COW (computer on wheels-- I know, right?) to the center of the room and the screen for the projector down all with little disturbance to the show. The problem? We added an element at the last minute AND I FORGOT TO LEAVE MY KEYS IN THE DAMN PROJECTOR BUTTON. See it doesn't move unless there's a key. So... when I realize that my more than perfect student is not turning said key, I feel them in my pocket. I hop up on stage thinking I'll sneak around... nope. Because I have the kids on risers in the back all the way up against the wall, I can't hide behind the curtains. Our terrible stage also has one one exit, out the center back door. I have no choice. I walk across the center of the stage and go behind the risers to the curtain break. Here's the worst part...

The last minute element I mentioned? It's a thick tyvek sheet with stuff glued to it to resemble a "Jock" hallway. It's very krinkly and VERY LOUD. I make a huge racket as I climb behind the risers where we have it strategically stored so that people in my makeshift wings WON'T disturb it and make noise. Sigh...

All in all it was ok, but I feel so rattled by my lack of... brain? I mean, I pride myself and am totally bitchy about my attention to detail and then I go and lose the keys AGAIN after the show. They were on my desk, but still.

In other bad news: I ate pizza, 3 slices of Vinny's free pizza. I also had like 4 cups of punch. You have to have this punch and know that it is totally and completely irresistable. I don't even know how to put that in the calorie counter.

So... grand sum of today: Ok in spite of epic failures.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Epic Fail.

So-- after bragging about my self control, I failed today. 1700 calories. Yikes. Fuck you McDonalds and your glorious breakfast burrito.

Success!


Yesterday, I ate HALF a donut. I literally cut it in half so I could have some but "practice self control".

Today, I had a cake slices the size for a toddler.

I'm very proud. Praise Me. :)

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Loser

Well well well... I'm one of those losers who has a blog but never writes in it. Since this one is about my struggle with being morbidly obese, I guess I should mention that today I started on "The Program". This is just a joke form my husband's teenage years. His best friend's dad would put them on "the program". The only rule that we're aware of is "steak once a week". To be honest... I'd LOVE to have steak once a week.

This morning I woke up and just decided to start over. Everyone has that right, don't they?

New Rules:
1. No more trying to be clever or funny. One reason I fell behind in writing is that I couldn't think of anything funny to say. I'm done trying to be funny. This will just be honest. If I'm funny on accident, then that's just an added bonus.
2. I'll be using www.sparkpeople.com for food tracking as well as Wii Fit and Orbitrek for exercise. Good times.
3. I'll only be drinking water. I know it sounds lame but this will be unbearably hard for me. I have a love affair with sugar in liquids as well as carbonation. Splenda makes me sick. Any other beverage suggestions are welcome.
4. No editing. I mean, of course I'll make sure I don't look like a moron and spell things incorrectly and it's only fair to expect impecable grammar from me, but I'm not going to front about how huge I am or edit any opinions or vocabulary. I am officially NSFW.

Therefore:
-Sunday, April 19, 2009
--235lbs
---BMI 41.6 (morbidly obese)
----yikes.