When I told a friend recently that I didn't know who I was anymore, she said that she couldn't understand. My explanation was surprisingly simple to both of us. My entire life, my identity has been wrapped up in my talent for performance and my overall leadership qualities. Now that I am utilizing neither in my personal nor professional life, I feel lost. All I ever wanted to do was be on stage, but I'm a coward. Had I had one ounce of bravery, I'd never have made most of the choices I've made since my senior year of high school.
The hard part now is learning not to harbor regret and bitterness, but to instead re-evaluate my personal goals. Now that I have a family, my goals have to change, but I have no idea how I fit into the world when I'm not on stage. Who knows what happens next, but I think it will involve a beach.
|Yorktown Beach, Mother's Day 2012|